Informed

Informed consent is about more than just saying “yes.” It’s about understanding what you’re agreeing to, and feeling empowered, respected, and chosen in that decision. In the context of relationships, especially where intimacy and vulnerability are involved, informed consent is a foundation that honors both individuals. It ensures that decisions are made with full knowledge, mutual respect, and a deep sense of care for each other’s boundaries and feelings.

Let’s break it down. Imagine you and a friend are about to share something personal—maybe a secret, a hug, or a moment that feels vulnerable. For this moment to be meaningful, both of you need to be on the same page. This is where the “informed” part of informed consent comes in. It means you’ve both talked openly about what’s about to happen. You understand what it means, how it might feel, and whether you’re ready for it. Being informed means you know the full picture before agreeing to it. If one person isn’t clear on what’s happening or isn’t sure about their feelings, it’s not true consent.

Now, let’s talk about being chosen. When you give informed consent, you’re not just agreeing because you feel pressured, unsure, or afraid of disappointing the other person. You’re saying “yes” because you feel valued and respected. You’re saying “yes” because the other person has taken the time to make sure you understand and feel comfortable. It’s a mutual decision, and both people should feel chosen, not just tolerated or pushed into something.

In a relationship, feeling chosen means that the other person cares about what you think, feel, and need. It’s a form of respect. When you ask someone for informed consent, you’re showing them respect by making sure they have all the information and feel safe in their decision. You’re saying, “I value your thoughts, your comfort, and your boundaries.”

Respect is key in any relationship, but especially in intimate or vulnerable moments. When both people respect each other, they communicate clearly and check in with each other’s feelings. Respect means you care enough to listen, to be patient, and to honor the other person’s limits, even if they differ from your own. This builds trust, which is the foundation of all healthy relationships. Without trust, it’s impossible to have informed consent, because the person may not feel safe enough to be honest about their true feelings.

Informed consent also means that it’s okay to change your mind. Even if you’ve agreed to something before, you can always reconsider. Relationships are dynamic, and sometimes feelings shift. What felt right in one moment may not feel right later. Respecting someone’s decision to change their mind is an important part of informed consent. It shows that you understand their feelings are valid and that their comfort comes first.

Intimacy, in particular, can be complex. It often involves deep feelings, vulnerability, and trust. In these moments, informed consent becomes even more critical. Both people need to feel not only that they’re saying “yes” with full understanding but also that they’re chosen and respected in that choice. This involves clear, ongoing communication. It’s not a one-time conversation but a series of check-ins, where both people feel free to express themselves honestly without fear of judgment.

In these situations, informed consent goes beyond just agreeing to an action—it’s about a deeper emotional exchange. It’s about making sure both people feel safe enough to be vulnerable and trusting that their feelings will be respected. When you ask for informed consent, you’re saying, “I see you. I value you. I want to make sure you feel chosen and respected.”

So, in the end, informed consent in a relationship means understanding what’s happening, feeling respected in the decision, and being chosen as an equal partner in the experience. It’s a way to make sure both people feel valued and safe. It’s about trust, communication, and respect for each other’s boundaries, and it ensures that any exchange—especially one that’s vulnerable or intimate—is a mutual, informed choice where both people feel empowered to say “yes” or “no” freely.